Well, it's Wednesday and there are plenty of things I should be doing for work and plenty of things to be done around the house, but instead i'm here.
I'm here and I'm procrastinating.
I guess I could think of worse things to be doing in the early evening hours midweek. but. I could also be running on that treadmill that's just off to the corner of my eye as I sit down to write this out, but I think I'll save that for the closed captioning when re-watching Alias on Netflix later tonight.
As the weeks wear on into my newest relationship i find myself confused by how quickly things are progressing and, at the same time, standing still. I'm not saying I want to get married tomorrow or anything like that, but I am saying that I want it to mean something. at least, I think that's what I mean. That's the best part about this and any relationship really. you get a statute on the length of time you spend in uncertainty. I haven't quite determined what the cap is though. Maybe I should do that before I try to go further.
After going through 2 very serious relationships in the last 8 years I can say that I know what it is that I do not want even if I can't say that I know for sure what I, definitively, want from a man. The more obvious things go without say. Most women want what I want or don't want rather. I don't think humans want to actively pursue misery. Though, I definitely know some people that make that their life's work.
Some doors have permanently closed for me but that's just a part of living. Nothing can stay open forever and in the pursuit of happiness it's easy to become blind to those closest. so, as an active reminder to myself...
pay attention.
pay the fuck attention, Jen, you just might be staring it in the face.
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